The Christian and Mental Health: for Those Who Cycle

If you have bipolar II with rapid cycling, you are like me. Here are some thoughts about those ups and downs, how they affect me, and how I deal with them. Hopefully, my experience will help you, too. So here goes...

From my initial diagnosis roughly 10 years ago, I have dealt with the mood swings of bipolar II. I go up and down, and with a wavelength (yes, I am a science geek!) or peak-to-peak of maybe 6 weeks on average. This is what I mean when I refer to "rapid cycling." Over the years I have been able to reduce the amplitude significantly (peak-to-trough) but I still cycle. Here are some thoughts about this.

First of all, I have religiously kept a journal on a daily basis. I do this for other reasons, to keep a record of each day, but especially to keep track of my spiritual journey. As I have written previously, I have a "scoring" routine, where hypomanic scores are anything above 10, and depression scores are anything below 10. (If this looks like a high school grading system, it is.) Or you can think of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, where 10+ is too hot, 10- is too cold, and 10 is just right. I refer to those 10 days as GDL (GoldDiLocks) days. I guess the technical term is euthymia. I don't cycle so high (10-10.5, or rarely an 11) or so low (9-10, or rarely 8.75) these days, but the time length (the wavelength) remains.

Journaling helps me to relax in either phase, hypo or depressed. I can tell myself, "Don't panic here. You always come out of the phase you are in. Goldilocks days are not so far away!"

But knowing where I am in my cycle also instructs me how to live. In particular, I am referring to decisions I make from the top, and decisions I make from the bottom. I almost entitled this post as "Over-promising and Under-performing." I have a huge problem with this. When I am at the top, "I can leap tall buildings in a single bound." But when I am at the bottom, the most obvious decision is fraught with anxiety and low self-confidence.

For example, I volunteered to co-lead a small group Bible study. This in itself was a big decision, given my BPD. But there was always the fallback of the other leader picking up the slack if I felt unsure of myself. Well, quite recently I volunteered to lead the next meeting in two weeks time. On the way home, I rethought my decision. Perhaps I was cycling down, or rather I was thinking ahead to my commitments for the next two weeks. Regardless, when I got home I sent an email to the other leader, asking to "un-volunteer" two weeks hence, and instead volunteer to lead the meeting in 4 weeks. It was a good decision.

But my point is that when I am up I tend to over-promise, and then when I am down, I tend to under-deliver. Recognizing this, I now know to linger more over decisions (even to sleep on them), and to give more thought as to how things might play out if I were indeed "down" at the point of delivery. I also talk with my spouse as to whether a decision would be a good one.

However, this is where "amplitude" comes in. It is also important to consider how high and low things get. When I was cycling more up and down, it was way too easy to agree to a commitment in my "up" phase, only to find myself hopelessly low in my "down" phase, and unable to fulfill that commitment. Now, when I am up, I am far less capable of making "dumb" decisions. Furthermore, I find that in many instances, even when "down," I find that I can deliver after all. I find that my self-confidence is improving.

So what I want to say regarding the matter is this. First, know yourself. That's where journaling comes in. Second, don't panic when things turn suddenly to the opposite pole. For me, this most likely means turning to the downward, depressed pole. When this happens to you, take courage. If you rapid cycle like me, better times aren't that far away. What goes up must come down, and vice versa. Finally, be careful with overpromising in your "up" state. Under-promise, and over-deliver. You are stronger than you think!

Blessings!

The Christian Bipole