This blog comes from "the pit." If you've been there, you know what I mean. A very smart (and loving) person challenged me to write about my present tense experience, rather than after the fact, when I have stabilized and can put a positive spin on things. I have never done this, so this is an experiment. May God use this experience to bless others, and may it honor Him.
I fell...there is no other way to put it. The two of us were planning/packing for a big vacation trip, and the packing was intense. But I began to have a medical issue that wouldn't go away. It became intense, pain-wise. The medical folk tried some "quick fix" remedies, but they didn't work. It interfered with my sleep. Loss of sleep is a guaranteed trigger for a downward spiral, mentally and emotionally. So down I went. It made no matter that the physical malady was beyond my control...
So here I am, in the pit.
I'm sad. I missed out on what should have been a great vacation. The two of us were going to do something we love to do--visit and "collect" 4 new national parks. We were also going to spend a wonderful week with long distance family that we dearly love and miss so much.
I'm guilty for having caused so much disappointment and "collateral damage." I feel pangs of guilt every time I hear my wife cancelling yet another campground reservation. I feel guilt every time I walk past the camper in the garage. And I feel tremendous guilt when I think about the family I have disappointed. They were so looking forward to having me, having us with them. I feel like I let everybody down.
I'm also embarrassed. Lots of people knew we were staging for our trip. Now I have to explain to everyone why we didn't go. I'd really rather not talk about my downfall, medically and psychologically. But folks want to know...
So there you have it. I feel sad. I feel guilty. I feel embarrassed. And most of all, I feel depressed. That's what happens to me when I am in my "pits." They are "down," after all. Yes, I know that eventually "this too shall pass." But for the moment, it seems awfully bleak. Would you pray for me?
I take some comfort from a line in Psalm 103. Verse 4 speaks of God, "who redeems your life from the pit." That's what I need right now, a Redeemer. I need Him to reach down, grab my hand, and lift me up and out of this pit. Lord, I can't do this by myself! Would you rescue me?
Blessings!
The Christian Bipole
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