Do you struggle with "cycling?" I am referring to the frustrating cycle many of us experience between our emotional "ups" and "downs." If this is your experience, I encourage you to read on. Please don't let the "math" deter you. If you read to the end, I think you will be blessed.
I'll be talking about "bi-cycling" and "uni-cycling." No, I am not talking about "bikes" that can be ridden. I am talking about the bi-cycling of bipolar disorder, especially bipolar II, but also the uni-cycling of unipolar depression. Yes, I know. Bipolar depression is thought to be different than unipolar depression (symptoms, meds), but what I will say can be applied to both.
In case you don't know, those of us with bipolar II are cyclers. In other words, we go up and we go down. In psych-speak, the peaks are when we are hypomanic, not to be confused with full-blown mania as with bipolar I disorder. The troughs are depression. Forgive me for appealing to high school math for an apt analogy, but think of cycling as a sine wave. (You can do it!) Sine waves go up and they go down. They have what is called "amplitude," namely just how high they get and how low they get. They also have what is called "wavelength." This is how much time it takes to go from the top of one peak to the top of the next one. Or from the bottom of one trough to the bottom of the next. (Unipolar cyclers should also identify with this.)
Our goal, as we "stay the course" with our regimens (meds, talk-therapy, self-care, mind-full-ness practices, etc.) is to decrease amplitude and increase wavelength. (See my prior blogs for a description of mind-full-ness, and how for a Christian this differs from mindfulness.) In my case, I can definitely say that over time, my "waves" have greatly subsided. This is not to say that there are never unexpected troughs. There are. But overall, the situation has improved.
Which begs the question of whether people like me can ever be completely healed. I have spoken at length with my counselor about this. Here's how I think about it. Will there ever be a once-for-all healing of my bipolar disorder? Possibly, but probably not. And yet I see regular "healings" along the way. I'm much encouraged by Psalm 103:1-5. Pick up your Bible or your phone and read it. David is urging his soul to "Bless the Lord." In verse 2, his soul is reminded that God has provided many "benefits," one of which (verse 3) is that God "heals all your diseases." No, I don't think this means that God will heal each and every disease we have. But I believe I have seen Him heal me incrementally (sometimes gradually) from day to day. I encourage you to engage Him in the ongoing "healing" of your cycling. And when you see improvement, would you please thank Him? I need to do that too.
Blessings!
The Christian Bipole
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