I've been thinking lately about the subject of "self care." Self care is a big deal in the mental health domain. It describes practices that attend to one's own needs (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) ahead of those of others. The World Health Organization defines self care as the ability of individuals (and families, and communities) to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider. For most, these are high and lofty goals. For those of us with severe mental illness, self care can be a matter of life and death.
Of course, from the Christian perspective self care raises the red flag of selfishness. After all, isn't self care just selfishness (self-centeredness) in disguise? I think of the JOY acronym popular in some Christian circles. It stands for Jesus, Others, and Yourself, with You at the end. But this isn't what the Bible teaches. When asked which is the great commandment (Matthew 22:34-40), Jesus says first, to love God with all one's heart and soul and mind. But he says there is a second commandment like it, citing Leviticus 19:18, to "love your neighbor as yourself." It seems that it is impossible to love your neighbor well if you don't first love yourself. Paul amplifies this concept by applying it to marriage. In the amazing marriage passage of Ephesians 5:25-33, Paul says, "In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodes...for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it." (verses 28-29) Nourishing and cherishing sure sound like self care.
So what's the application here? I can provide a personal example. In the late afternoon every day, I do 20-30 minutes of meditation. (To be sure, I do a Christian version of this, to be described in a separate blog.) But in order to do this I must intentionally pull away from my wife (and family if they are staying with us) and do my meditation. I euphemistically refer to this as "doing DBT," since dialectical behavioral therapy first introduced me to the practice. This may seem selfish, I admit. But doing it is essential for maintaining an even keel, mentally and emotionally. And there are definite benefits, not only for me but for my wife (and family). Having seen what it does for me, my wife will be the first to ask, "Have you done your DBT today?" And without doubt, I am better for having done it. And I am also able to "pay it forward." I can better attend to her needs (and those of others) when I have first dealt with mine. It's kind of like on the airplane when the flight attendant asks us to put on our oxygen masks first before seeing to the masks of our kids.
So here's the take away, not that the acronym should be JYO, but rather that we should trust God, do regular cherishing and nourishing, and then love others as they deserve. By the way, the oxygen will be flowing even if the bag does not inflate.
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